I really think I’m starting to nail the solo beach date ritual.

But someone commented that it sounds "diabolical" when I shared it on tik tok.

Listen, it has been my lifelong dream to be a beach bum.

That’s why I moved here - to feed my inner child.

To make her feel safe again.

She begged and begged for us to come back here for good.

And to this day, whenever I visit her in a meditation, all she wants to do is go to the beach.

(And swim with dolphins).

So, my solo beach dates really feel special to my inner child.

When I first moved here and I would try to go to the beach alone, I would feel awkward and lonely pretty quickly.

Like without people to socialize with - I didn’t know what to do.

But that’s the thing that has made me feel so in love with these solo beach days - is that I don’t have to socialize at all!!

I get to actually enjoy the peace and quiet of the beach.

Which is why, I do like to splurge on myself a bit and go to a nice beach club.

One where I know people won’t be to loud - or too close to me.

Yesterday, I reserved a bed at Panamera - this reservation ensures that there is minimal friction on my beach date so I know when I arrive there will indeed be a bed waiting for me.

I’m really good at talking myself out of doing things alone so I have to make it like I can’t turn back.

I always like to dress up a bit to go to the beach and do my best to be mistaken for a hotel guest. I want to be someone who could afford to stay at these hotels - so I might as well dress like it.

When I get to the beach, the first thing I always do is order a latte.

I sit take off my clothes, sit down and put sunblock all over and begin my first roast.

I like to download a few albums onto my spotify before my beach dates so that I can settle in by listening to something fresh, a whole piece from beginning to end.

Yesterday, nothing was calling to me besides Britney’s self-titled album Britney that I had downloaded a while back. Can’t say it’s a new album. But my inner child lovvvvves Britney and for some reason Britney’s music always reminds me of being in Mexico as a kid.

So used that album, from beginning to end, to settle in, drink my coffee and get my first roast in.

Once I’m too hot and done with my latte, I order my next drink - a green juice - and then go spend all the time I want to swimming in the ocean - it is the main event here anyways.

Unfortunately, right now there is still sargasso in Tulum. It’s not so bad that you can’t swim in the ocean - but it’s bad enough that you can’t swim with out it touching you.

It has such a rough texture, it feels like it’s scraping my skin as it floats by me and eventually I can’t do the sensory experience of the seaweed.

I always go straight to the showers to rinse of when I get out of the ocean, I really don’t like the feeling of salty water drying on my skin - and I’m very paranoid about germs in the sargasso.

Once I’m rinsed off, I sit back down for my next roast.

But now that my hair is wet, I like to take out my leave-in conditioner and apply it all through my hair and then brush out my hair until it’s completely silky.

I braid it back and leave it like that for most of the day, avoiding getting it wet again if I go back into the ocean until I’m ready for my last rinse in the shower. This SAVES my hair from getting destroyed by the ocean.

Once I’ve got that mask in, I’m ready to chill, drink my green juice and get into either some journaling or reading.

I LIVE for reading a book on the beach and just got a new book “Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail” which is pretty much a lesbian romance series based on a town in Oregon. I couldn’t love it more.

I like to give myself the goal to read at least 100 pages while I’m at the beach.

The thing with the beaches in Tulum, if you want a luxury experience, is that you are going to have to pay a minimum in food and drink - so I do make it a point to give myself the princess treatment and run up a little bill.

Yesterday I was craving a Pina Colada (baby Jane strikes again) and some truffle parmesan fries that I sadly was not impressed with.

I also got a ham croissant little snack and I LOVED it.

Eventually, I started to break out into a little sun rash so I opened up the umbrella above me, put on a dry sweatshirt, took off my wet bikini top and kept reading in the cool, breezy shade as I tried to down my final order - a bottle of mineral water.

I always bring an extra dry t shirt and sweatshirt with me to the beach because I really don’t like being in anything wet for too long. I think my favorite part might be when the sunsets, it cools down and I need a little hoodie action.

I also always bring my noise-cancelling headphones to the beach because there can be dj’s and annoying people in general.

The beach is a really over-stimulating experience so I like to bring as many items as I can to help me stay feeling peaceful and not overwhelmed.

That’s why it’s worth it to me to pay a little extra to have a nicer experience.

I could easily do all of this for free (or for a few pesos) at the public beach or the nature reserve.

I would simply pack all the same things into a bag, bring my hammock, a tapestry, a towel, a change of clothes and everything else I regularly bring to the beach.

But when I’m taking myself out on a date - I like to give her the princess treatment.

The SECOND I get an inkling that I want to go home, I ask for my check.

Getting a bill paid in Tulum can add a lot of time and frustration to your evening.

And I really try to get off the beach road before sunset. (When the parties begin).

I take my scooter home, wearing my dry clothes now.

When I get home, I first order myself some dinner to be delivered on tomato (last night I was craving burrito amor) and then I get into the shower.

Because I had my hair soaking all day - it is SO MUCH EASIER to wash after a beach day that I just might not have to chop it off after all.

You gotta shower the second you get home from the beach or else the day will hit you, you will lose motivation and you will fall asleep with sand in your coochie. :)

Besides, getting out of the shower after a Long Beach day feels SOO GOOD.

Last night I was covered in a sun rash so I put on a rice water face mask from Japan (it lives in the fridge so it was nice and cold) then I also covered my whole body with pure aloe vera AND knocked back the rest of our hibiscus water just to make sure that I cooled down all the fiery pitta that my body took on during the day.

You GOTTA cool down after a hot beach day or it will fuck up ur energy.

Then once I’m all lathered up and my food arrives, I watch Below Deck because it’s my favorite show in the whole world.

And that is how I spend my solo beach day’s taking my inner child out to play!!

Hope you enjoyed this “diabolical beach day ritual.”

Love you,

Jane ♥️