8.8.25

Sober journey day 3.

Today actually wasn’t so hard. 

I didn’t sleep super deeply, but I was able to rest through the night until my alarm went off. 

And unlike yesterday, I did not wake up in a grumpy mood on the edge of tears. 

I woke up super clear and ready to take on the day. 

I had so much energy all day, I got so much work done and felt happy about all of it. 

My girlfriend kept making me food and brining me small plates to keep me fed. 

Normally my appetite completely disappears when I detox. 

But today, I ate plenty and was actually hungry for meals. 

It’s Friday night, almost 11pm and of course my girlfriend is out cold next to me. 

We just had the best night celebrating the Lion’s Gate Portal. 

I didn’t think she would really want to do my ritual with me. 

But as soon as the clock hit 8pm she turned off the TV and said, “okay so what are we doing?” 

Surprised by her genuine desire to have a little manifestation ritual with me, I started clearing our space first, then handed her my journal and got mine out too. 

We worked through all 8 steps of the ritual I had posted online, and her intentions and affirmations only made me fall more in love with her. 

She is so genuine. 

All she wants is a happy home, to protect our family and to maintain her own sobriety as well. 

She says that she feels like she is on this earth to love me. 

And sitting down and sharing these deeps dreams of mine in such a vulnerable way… I just didn’t know that I could have this with someone. 

“Let’s go to the roof” I said. 

I sensed her resistance to going all the way upstairs, but she nodded and got up with me. 

We had to complete the final steps! 

We might have done them a bit out of order but that doesn’t matter. 

The moon was so bright, it was like the sun shining in the sky on our faces. 

We sat on the rooftop of this gorgeous home that Tai manifested. 

She laid her head in my lap while we both sat in prayer under the moonlight. 

I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt this blessed. 

I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt this happy. 

I’ve definitely never been so clear on what I’m doing and where I’m headed - with this deep knowing that everything I’ve ever wanted is already on its way to me. 

I no longer ask “Why hasn’t this happened yet???” 

Instead I feel very much like - “it’s all happening now.” 

Because Tulum has given me everything I needed. 

Even the pain and heartbreak it has brought me - it all felt like loving protection from my guides like: 

I’m sorry Jane but we had to remove that person from your life - she wasn’t good for you anymore. 

Sitting here on this rooftop, hearing the crickets, the frogs and watching the bats fly around. 

I actually wasn’t sure what more I could ask for. 

This sober journey doesn’t really feel about getting “sober.” 

Sobriety is not something that I necessarily struggle with. 

But escaping my hard feelings and numbing out for days - that is something I have struggled with for too long. 

And now that I finally feel safe in the world - I think that it’s safe for me to feel those hard feelings. 

Sobriety is simply my next step on my spiritual path. 

The conversations I’ve had around alone have started to peel back so many layers that I couldn’t seem to get to before. 

I am ready to be clear. 

I am ready to discover a deeper level of truth about myself. 

I am ready to be a true conduit for the teachings. 

Because I’m no longer showing up from a wounded place. 

Before I met Tai, I was on the verge of a serious relapse. 

I vulnerably reached out to my best friend for help. 

But instead of helping me - she managed to make my life a living hell. 

Which only pushed me deeper into my wounds. 

The nights I spent crying on my kitchen floor, unable to eat for some reason, feeling like I’m losing all control of my life… 

So tired of being in this journey alone and carrying my whole life in my own two small hands. 

I prayed and prayed and prayed for a change. 

ANYTHING. 

Any sort of shift in my life. 

And Tai, she is the answer to my prayers. 

But it’s not even just her. 

It’s everything I’ve manifested since I begged and pleaded with the universe. 

I’m not sure what kind of test I had to pass, but in the last three months, my life has completely transformed. 

My guides said, we hear what you are asking for - but we know what you need better than you do - and we’re going to send it your way. 

A girlfriend who gives you the same love you’ve always given to others. 

A home that crosses off everything you envisioned for your next step. 

A yoga community and studio that celebrates my gifts and supports my journey. 

A town that genuinely feels like home. 

I feel like the universe has supplied me the foundation that I was begging for. 

I thought that I had to do it all on my own. 

I thought I had to heal every wounded aspect of myself before I could manifest this next level. 

When it turns out that what I had to manifest - was a true support system for me to thrive off of. 

All of this led to me making the decision to take this sober path - not to prove to myself that I can. 

But to get underneath the layers and layers of pain that I have been trying to numb for far too long. 

It’s amazing how brave you become when you’re finally in a safe space. 

I haven’t felt a single worry since the day I met Tai. 

Not only that, but I’ve magnetized these people who also make me feel safe. 

Like I’m truly looked after. 

Like for the first time in my life, people have their eye on me. 

Not only that but - they see my gifts. 

They see what I’m here to give the world. 

And I have been feeling more confident in my path and my purpose than ever before. 

Idk why I’m writing right now. 

Perhaps because I’m nervous about going to sleep tonight. 

I’m afraid of the restlessness and frustration that comes with this detox. 

I’m afraid of being too sleepy and low vibe to teach my classes tomorrow. 

But I keep telling myself - I don’t need to pretend to be perfect anymore. 

That has never worked for me anyways. 

It’s only day 3, and I don’t want to get too proud of myself. 

But I kind of am. 

This month was all about locking it the fuck in. 

And I feel like I’m doing that. 

I feel proud of myself - and that is my favorite way to feel. 

The only person that I am here to impress is me. 

And lately, I’m about in love with myself as Tai is. 

I cannot wait to meet the crystal clear version of myself after this year ends. 

I feel like my next level is plummeting towards me at full speed.

And my choice to be sober, is the catalyst that will allow me to hold all the expansion that I’ve been looking to manifest. 

After our prayers under the full moon, we had one final step to complete: dance. 

Under the moonlight, on the rooftop, with no music on but the crickets, we slow danced together in the highest frequency energy of the world.

And I felt like I was living in a dream. 

Wake me up. 

Wake me up. 

This is real life. 

And I will do everything in my power to keep on letting myself expand into this. 

Stay grounded. Stay clear. Stay humble. 

This is what I asked my guides for tonight.